Saying Goodbye…

Wasn’t really as hard as I thought that it was going to be.
I managed to keep myself together when I dropped M off at the office, and didn’t turn into a hot mess. I was pretty proud of myself. I figure that my job isn’t to make him feel bad about leaving, it’s to let him focus on the task at hand.
He unloaded his stuff, gave Shannon a kiss goodbye, gave the dog a scratch, and I got a hug and a kiss and then off we went. I didn’t stick around, I didn’t make things longer, and I didn’t look in the rearview mirror to watch him waving goodbye. I managed to hold my bologna until I left the parking lot, then let myself feel bad about the whole thing. I still managed to not break down and make people in the cars passing me wonder what the hell was going on. I’d be lying if I said that there weren’t tears though.
When we got home, it was really really quiet.
Luckily I had just enough time to nurse the baby, change my clothes and turn right back around to head to the barn. I dropped Shannon off to my Mom and went to soak up the sun at the barn.
I’ve been rehabbing Skippy from a leg injury, so I got to sit on him while my boss gave him a look over. She said that he’s doing really well. He still has a lot of muscle to rebuild, but he’s looking better than when we started. My job is to keep him walking forward, encourage him to really stretch and get that leg under himself, and help him to balance. His owners are really pleased with how he’s come along. I believe that the vet comes out next week and is going to look him over as well. Go Skippy! It’s been almost a year long process since he got tangled up in the fence, and I’m lucky enough to have been a part of the team that helped bring him back to where he is now. I’m a pro at hock wrapping. πŸ˜‰
I also worked Willow for the first time in a week, since it’s been raining like crazy. She was really good. She was very, very forward, but mostly listening. She didn’t pull any stupid stunts, and her ground work is improving by leaps and bounds as well. I have to get the bridle that we bought for her exchanged before I get on her next week (!!!), since I was a dummy and didn’t read the tag.
After I got done at the barn, I went and picked the munchkin up at my parents, had a slice of pizza, then loaded her up in the car to head home and thats when I lost it.
The whole time that we’ve been preparing for M to leave, I’ve been nervous about dealing with the nights by myself. I won’t lie, I have a horrible time waking up. Like really horrible.
I think that heading home from my parents really solidified that I was doing this all by myself, and that I had no other options. The feeling of being overwhelmed hit me like a ton of bricks and I sobbed all the way home. It was a bit pathetic really.
I walked in the door, let the dog out, took a deep breathe and decided that I was going to tackle things one at a time.
I’m not going to lie and say that it was easy, but last night wasn’t as bad as I thought that it was going to be. Shannon slept from 9-11 then was up for an hour and finally fell back asleep until almost 4. That’s four hours of sleep, which was a good thing since she decided that she did not want to go back to bed, no matter what I tried. I finally dragged her happy little butt into bed with me, and she conked out until almost 8.
Good baby.
I decided that I’m just taking this thing one day at a time, and really throwing myself into making progress with Willow, and enjoying spending time with Shannon. I’m not looking at a calender, or counting down the days. I don’t want to focus on the fact that he’s gone, or obsess about the day that he comes back. I miss him like whoa, but life isn’t going to come to a screeching halt just for me and my self-pity.
You can bet your dollar that there will be a lot of the Kardashians on in this house though.

One thought on “Saying Goodbye…

  1. Cate, I've been in similar situations when my boys were young. I totally understand your feelings. I dealt with things in the very same way…one day at a time, don't focus on the obvious, stay busy, be strong for Shannon. Always appreciate the support of your parents.You're on the right track…I'm very proud of you. Aunt Nore πŸ™‚

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