It’s All About Choices.

Most of the time, I open a new blog window, sit in front of it for ten minutes staring at the little blinky text line, then decide that I don’t really have anything to write that is of note, so I just hit the ‘close’ button and get on with my day.
This morning though, while I was nursing the baby, and Daddy-O was getting ready for work, something popped up on my Facebook feed that pushed my grumpy button.
I originally wanted to stay out of the whole ‘Are you Mom enough?’ Times article bologna. I’m not really going to voice my opinion on it, because I don’t really care how other parent’s parent. If your kid is happy and healthy… good for you. I’m very pro-breastfeeding and I applaud any Mom that wants to at least try. Anything is better than nothing. I don’t know how long I’m planning on breastfeeding Shannon, but it’s the business of my family. Me, Shannon, and Mike. Period.
My friend over at Starting From Scratch puts it better than I ever would. Go check her out… she’s awesome.
What really got on my nerves was a friend saying that people were getting on her case for being a stay at home mom…that she needed to get a job to be ‘normal’, that she needed to put her child down, that basically everything she was doing was wrong.
Combine this with all the nasty comments that I was reading about the Times article and another comment I read about somebody marrying their husband for the military benefits. It’s enough to make this very sleep deprived Mommy want to scream.
Aren’t we all on the same team here?
I’m blessed enough to be able to stay at home with Shannon. It was a decision that Mike and I made together. I worked up until two days before I had her, and I do still go to the barn to help deflect the cost of owning Willow, but my daughter has never and will never see the inside of a daycare. My main focus is Shannon. People who say that being a SAHM is ‘easy’, isn’t a ‘job’, or isn’t ‘normal’ need to pull their head out of their behind.
I’m on call 24/7 and I love it. There are days that I am so jealous that Mike gets to get up, enjoy his 30 minute long showers, and leave for work. I know that his job isn’t stressfree and that he works hard, but he gets to interact with adults. He doesn’t get peed on, he doesn’t have to walk around with a foot and a half tall screaming monster attached to his boobs, he doesn’t smell like puke half the day, and he gets the time to take a shower and put on real clothes.
When she starts screaming at night, there isn’t anything that he can do. It’s Mommy that gets to stumble bleary eyed into the other room at midnight or four am and feed the baby. How is that lazy?
He got to go away for training, while I worked at getting the baby to sleep in her crib and through the night. He got to hang up the phone and go to bed. Most nights, I was so jealous of him.
Don’t begin to tell me that I’m lazy for staying at home with her. Don’t tell ANY Mom that she’s lazy for staying at home with her child or children. I know a Mom who is an inspiration to me. She has 3 beautiful girls, loves her family the way that they deserve, and hardly ever complains about the hours that her husband puts in. I’ll bet the farm that she doesn’t sit around and watch Spanish soaps all day. She’s a role model Mommy and Wife. Anybody would be able to learn a thing or two (or ten) from her.
We chose for me to stay at home with Shannon, not only because we both feel that me being home with her is beneficial to her, but because it’s what we can afford.
Even if I was able to find a job, the cost of putting her in daycare would mean that we wouldn’t be making any money from the job that I had. My paycheck would be turned right back around and put into daycare. The only thing that would be different is that I wouldn’t have the time with her that I’m so blessed to have.
It’s a great option for some, but it wasn’t for us.
My husband doesn’t complain, and he would defend me should it come up. Not that I need defending really.
We share home chores pretty equally, but it is me that does the majority of the grocery shopping, dish washing, diaper changing, dog walking, (I’m not going to say laundry folding because we are both horrible at that), and baby entertaining.
He’s in charge of the bill paying and helps out with everything else every chance that he gets.
And they look really cute together.
I’m glad that my friend is bold enough to speak up for herself, and I just want this to be a message to everybody in the ‘SAHM is lazy’ mind-set. Sit down, shut up, and move on with your own life.
For all of you who make the comment that I’m just married to my husband for his benefits… have you SEEN the man? I’m obviously married to him for his looks.
Military families have it hard, and the benefits are hardly reflective of the amount of bologna that we and our husbands often have to put up with, not to mention picking up our whole lives and moving because somebody else told us to. Now with Obama threating retirements, the cuts that are being made, and the whole war issue, you really think that we’re going along with this whole thing for the healthcare?
I’m throwing cards in on that one.
The majority of men and women join the military out of pride for their country, and because they want to better themselves. They love what they do, and they do it with all their heart.
Many military families are making way below the poverty line. The person in the family who is enlisted works long hours. They don’t get extra for holidays or overtime. Many days, Mike is out the door by 6, and doesn’t get home until 8. When he has to drive to MEPS, it’s even later. Yes, we get a living allowance, but most of the time that isn’t enough. Even though Mike (not ‘we’…Mike) is an NCO, we have enough to put food on the table, and a roof over our heads.  I work at the barn to defray some of the costs of owning Willow, and I’m so thankful to Mike that we have been able to keep her. Had I not been able to work, and had I not fallen in line with the BEST barn owner on the planet, it wouldn’t happen. 
Not to mention that when signing, he or she is agreeing to put his or her life on the line, without question. 
Next time you see a military wife (or husband!) don’t tell them that they married for the benefits… just know that it’s not all what it’s cracked up to be.  
I love my husband, and I would love my husband regardless of his job. It’s about the person that he is, not the benefits his job can give me.
Now that this blog as reached almost 1,000 hits (whoop!) I just want to let everybody whose reading it know… it’s easy to judge from the outside. Please don’t.
Oh…and that Shannon is the cutest darn thing in the whole entire world.

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